Sleep Sweet Sleep

As I write this, I'm holding my breath. It's been about thirty minutes since I laid Baby Bird down for a nap. Naps are fleeting events in our house. Somewhere between 30-45 minutes in, the sleep cycle ends and Bird rouses from his naps. On the rare occasion, my attempts to pat him back to sleep work. Sometimes the short naps seem adequate, and other days they do not. I try not to stress about it - I am doing all I can to make nap time work for him, and perhaps he is just a short napper. Eventually, it won't matter anyway.

Night time sleep is less than ideal here, too. We are fresh off a streak of what we've dubbed, "Party Baby" nights. That's when he wakes for a feeding in play mode and has no desire to go back to sleep. It can take upwards of an hour to get him to settle back into sleep. There were quite a few Party Baby nights in the weeks that passed.

BUT (and I hesitate to proclaim this publicly at all, but I'm just so excited), we may have turned a corner, at least for now. For three nights running,  we have had no party baby. Two night wakings to quickly eat (last night, only one), and that's it. I can definitely get by on this much sleep for now. Last night I got FIVE UNINTERRUPTED HOURS of sleep (Bird slept 8 hours before his first waking). After that, I got another two hours before I had to get up.  And then yesterday, we had two naps that were longer than an hour each. He awoke happy and rested each time.

Please say some prayers, or send some good vibes into the universe, or do your Sleep Dance for us. We could really use a fairly long stretch of good sleep before the next disruption kicks in. And it will - there are always sleep disruptions.

Still holding my breath, but we are 40 minutes into this nap now....

**Somewhat rude disclaimer** Please withhold your nap-time and sleepy time advice. I think at this point, I have read/heard/considered it all, but ultimately what we are doing for now works for us. 

A much younger napping Baby Bird

Unremarkably Remarkable

Of late, I've been thinking about how proud I feel of my son and of being a mother. Of all the remarkable things I've done in my life, this is truly number one on my list.

Funny thing is, though, is that having children is a normal, natural thing to do. Billions world-wide do it, whether they were planning to or not, whether they are rich or poor, educated or uneducated, healthy or ill.  All of their lives change forever. However, I have been afforded opportunities that are far more rare than childbearing - a post-secondary education, a pilot's license, home ownership, and so on.

So doesn't that make childbearing remarkable in a sort of unremarkable way? Yet I feel no less proud, no less unique, and no less amazed with the miracle that is the life I brought into the world.

Yep, being a parent is truly unremarkably remarkable.

Manic Monday - Labour Day Edition

Welcome to Manic Monday! Can I just say, I cannot believe it's September already? I'm not entirely sorry to see summer passing by. With the breastfeeding hormones and the extra 20lbs I'm carrying, I did not tolerate the heat well. It was the hottest summer I can remember in recent history, and I was not working in an air conditioned office all day.

• I start my college program on Tuesday. Whoa. It's full-time, and I promise you I am crapping my pants thinking about how I am going to juggling caring for baby who is almost mobile and a full-time study program. None the less, I'm confident that I'll be able to handle it. Sure, I'll stress but it will be positive stress (there really is such a thing. Some degree of stress is often necessary for motivation. It's when it paralyses you that it's no longer positive).

• Saturday was a wonderfully family-filled day. K.'s parents were in the city, as well as his Aunt, Uncle and two cousins. We had lunch together because one of the cousins is moving here from Ontario to go to university. Then, another set of K.'s cousins were passing through Halifax for supper, so we saw them and their precious 1.5 year old daughter. I'm so lucky to boast a very positive relationship with my in-laws.

• My cat, Marvin, is being such a jerk-turd lately. The minute the baby falls asleep, Marvin is on the scene, running through the house and howling. A few days ago, Marv started meowing every time the baby fell asleep while I was trying to put him down for a nap. It amounted to three tries, and I ended up having to bail on the nap. Then, a few days before that, I was actually trying to sleep while Baby Bird napped, but the cats wouldn't let me have any peace.

The Jerk-turd in his monster sweater

• I've been having trouble sleeping after Baby Bird's night feeding lately. Two days in a row, I've been awake for the day at, like, 3am. No bueno. 

• We bought one heck of an amazing stroller this week. I was sick of confining my walks to city sidewalks or malls. I went on a fabulous 1.5 hour trail hike to test it out on Wednesday, and I felt like a million bucks afterward. 

I think that's all the news for this week! I have to figure out how to make link-ups happen, and then I plan on turning this Manic Monday thing into one.

With Pride

In my life, I've had occassion to be proud of myself. I've had occassion to be proud of others. To be proud of yourself or someone else for an accomplishment or simply "just because" is a wonderful feeling. Nothing could have prepared me for how proud I would be of my son.

If he smiles? My eyes well up with tears of pride.
If he giggles? My eyes well up with tears of pride.
If he does something new for the first time? My eyes well up with tears of pride.
This was true of the first smile, the first grasp of a toy, the first time he help his head up during tummy time, the first time he rolled over, and the first time he sat unassisted.
If he exists (and he does!)? My eyes well up with tears of pride.

There is no accomplishment on the face of the earth that could be more important than bringing my child (and future children, we hope) into this world. In my womb, he grew ready for life. In my arms, he grows ready for life. In my eyes, he will always be my baby.

While I am proud of myself for my role in his life as his Mama, I am far more proud simply of him. In every way, I adore him, and I am proud of every move he makes.

Now please excuse while I go mop up the puddle of pride-tears I cried while writing this post.

Manic Monday - Cloth Diapers, Professional Pics, and Crunchy Mommies, oh MY!

Welcome to Manic Monday! I'm thinking of making this a link-up - would anyone be interested in the future?

• I bought 6 cloth diapers (pocket style) to see if using cloth is a viable option for us. Here's the beginning of our stash, below. They're KaWaii brand, each with two microfibre inserts. I also bought two hemp inserts to try night-time. I just prepped them this afternoon so tomorrow will be our first try. I know, I must be crazy, right? Washing poop in my washing machine? But this particular brand is super cheap so if it doesn't work out, I won't have lost much money. If it does, my stash will cost about $200 to start cloth diapering full-time.
• I'm turning into a far crunchier mama than I ever expected to me. Frankly, I never in a million years thought I would breastfeed, and especially not past 3 months willingly. I also turned my nose up, way up, at cloth diapering. Attachment parenting? I thought it was weak. Turns out I am attachment parenting without even knowing it.
• We got professional Baby Bird photos back! I will post one of the ten, only because some of them will likely become Christmas gifts for family so I don't want to spoil the surprise. Avery was about four months old in this photo.

Photo by Amy's Images (Dartmouth, NS)

• I'm beginning to wonder if I should remove my nose piercing and try again in a few months or years. I absolutely love it, but it's been nothing but trouble for me. I got the dreaded bump beside it (from a fledgeling infection or the piercing moving around too much), which took forever to get rid of. And now Baby Bird is in the face-grabbing stage, so I'm always terrified he's going to end up ripping it out. 
• I'm really addicted to this cajun spice I bought last week. I've been making oven spicy fries like they're going out of style. So tasty!
• I discovered that my new college hoodie has a phone/wallet pocket that velcros INSIDE the typical kangaroo-style pocket. No more phone going sliding out of one end!

What random things are you excited about/up to?

The Baby Bird Sleeps

It's 3:24pm. I'm standing in my son's darkened bedroom, with only a ribbon of brilliant sun light streaming in between curtains drawn. This tiny five-month old child rests on my shoulder, asleep, as I bury my nose in his sweet, natural, baby-scented shoulder. I'm close to tears, moved by the knowledge that these moments are numbered, and one day he will be a Big Kid who doesn't want to spend time in Mama's arms.

A month ago, I fought every nap time and bedtime mentally. I dreaded the chore of putting Baby Bird to sleep. He fought, and fought, and fought against sleep. I couldn't understand it; his eyes would be drooping and he was clearly so exhausted. Then, K. would come along and next thing I knew, Baby Bird would be fast asleep. Worst of all, with the horrendous combination of post-partum depression and anxiety I was battling at its peak, I let myself believe it made me less of a mother.

At some point in the last month, I talked myself into relaxing. I decided that even on the worst days, I would just go with the flow and know in my heart that it would not last forever. That mindset has changed my world. Not every day is awesome and smiles, but every day is manageable and comes equipped with its very own end. Happily, this has translated to nap time. I've truly come to (mostly) love the quiet moments where I sing softly to Baby Bird as he drifts off on my shoulder. His tiny body relaxes into mine as we sway gently back and forth, and I am left to my thoughts about how wonderful my life has truly become since he arrived in it. Because I am relaxed, he can relax.  On the odd occasion where he still fights the sleep, I don't sweat it.

News! Good News!

You guys, I've been dying to put this very good, awesome, amazing news on blast for so long now! But, it wasn't really my news to tell so I had to wait like the patient girl that I am pretend to be.

My sister-in-law and her husband are expecting their first baby in February!  I'm going to be an auntie! We are ridiculously super-duper excited.

I'm doing my best to keep my "When I was pregnant" and "When Baby Bird was born" stories to myself (for the most part), and trying to keep a handle on the unsolicited advice for pregnancy and new babies, as well. I now *get* where it all comes from, though - there is an honest and real need to offer any and all advice that could potentially make another new parent's life easier. This is especially the case since my sister-in-law has similar beliefs about baby-raisin'.  However, if you're a parent, you know this in your heart - there is no amount of experience or advice you can share with a new parent to make their life easier. Every new parent needs to figure it out on their own, and they'll do things their own way. And since G. (my sister in law) is the kind of person who was born to be a mother, she'll figure out the whole mommy-gut thing quickly.

So anyway, that's the news for Tuesday!