Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Acid Reflux, Eff You.

I haven't blogged in a while because I've been busy with school, and blah blah blah, but the REAL reason is because I just haven't known what to write.  And today, you'll have to excuse my language and lack of eloquence, because I don't have it in me to be polite or wordy.


Fuck you, Acid Reflux.

Acid reflux, you have done nothing but torture my innocent son. He has done nothing to deserve the agony you've been inflicting upon him. You have caused me to break down in pubic places because my son has just been screaming in pain all day and there has been virtually nothing I can do to put an end to it.

Conventional medicine? I'm not your biggest fan right now either. I'm sure you have plenty to offer lots of people who are injured or ill, but you failed us during my son's birth, and you are failing us as we try to treat his acid reflux.


I'm sick of acid reflux.

 I'm sick of listening to my son whine or cry most of a given day because he is miserable.

I'm sick of him crying during or after nursing sessions because acid reflux makes it miserable for him.

I'm sick (sick to my stomach, heartsick, and sick & tired) of not knowing how to help. Of feeling guilty because I think I *should* be doing more. Should I have been a better advocate or pushed for this referral or that dosage increase?

I'm sick of trips to the doctor.

I'm sick of hearing his reflux cough/gag in the middle of the night and praying that it won't wake him up (but knowing it will).

I'm sick of cleaning spit-up off of everything.

I'm sick of watching him struggle to develop because he is miserable when he spends time on his tummy.

I'm sick of being strong.

I'm sick of acting like acid reflux isn't a big deal or isn't affecting our family too badly because others have more serious illnesses to deal with.

I'm sick of praying fervently every single night, trying to bargain with God to make my son feel better

I'm sick of being deeply mentally/emotionally exhausted at the end of a day.

I'm not depressed. I'm not anxious. I'm simply very much at the end of my rope with Acid Reflux.


Laurie said...

soooo sorry to hear you are having such a bad time with this Kim. I feel horrible for you and your baby. I will say a few prayers for you too..and I hope the doctors can find a way to ease his suffering. xo

Natasha said...

I feel so so sad for you and your baby having to go through this. I dont know what else to add as I have no experience of this. I only know how hard it is to what your baby struggle with anything. I hope that this ends soon xxx

Marzena said...

A few good friends of ours had their kids endure this-their record is 52 pukes in one day from their little girl. She's now 5 and they say she outgrew it by the time she reached one. My guys were sparred the reflux but my heart goes out to you because that is the most dreadful feeling when you'd cut off your limbs if it meant that would help them. I have no idea what you've done in terms of medical visits and all, but the naturopathic approach really helped them out. If you would like more info, let me know! In the mean time, I really enjoyed your blog. :)